Keep Calm and…

keep calm and

The “keep calm” phenomenon that’s been (sort of) done to death actually originated from a vintage 1939 British propaganda war poster.  Since it first started making the internet rounds in 2000 or so, we’ve all seen “keep calm” graphics everywhere.

BUT, there are still some good “keep calm” sayings left. Some are twisted, some are cute, some are… well… you’ll see.  Please note: while I truly want to credit the sources, it’s often impossible to find the originator of these graphics. I’ve credited where I have the info. 

This first “keep calm and”… made me smile. It also made me look up to be sure all the cool bloggers weren’t about to dump pig’s blood on my head.

keep calm and carrie
via Who Killed Bambi

I like this Easter graphic for many reasons, not the least of which is that my darling daughter created it and has it on her blog, Love & Marriage.

Keep calm and
via Love and Marriage

Keep calm and uncork a red. These are words to live by. I say them every day when I am driving home from work.

Keep calm and

I dig this because it’s ironic. I would however be far more delighted to find one that says, “Keep calm and wax your mustache.”

keep calm and
via We Are All In The Gutter

Please tell me you get this next one. Because if you don’t get this, I have to break up with you.

keep calm and

I do agree it’s best to keep calm when slaughtering the un-dead. That’s just my experience any way.

keep calm and

I never learned to do the hustle. Please don’t tell anyone as there are literally hundreds of humans who believe I can. I can’t risk the scandal.

keep calm and

You need even more Keep Calm graphics, so here they are! (It’s like I’m a mind reader or something.)

5 Awesome Things That May Keep Me From Jumping Out of My 3rd Floor Window

Christian Leboutin Bollywoody Suede Pumps

Dear Internets,

I am going to admit something to you because we’re best pretend friends.

I am so depressed, I can barely bring myself to chew food, suck air into my lungs, blog words, or strap on my false eyelashes. Life has seriously handed me a big bucket of truly sour lemons and since I’m not by nature a lemonade-making kind of girl, I’ve spent my days wondering if I dove out my bedroom window head first whether  I would bounce like a Bumble or splat like a water balloon.

These are entirely constructive and completely healthy thoughts.

Today I’m in search of things that will make me feel better and in so doing, prevent the local news from leading with, “Dumbass 48 Year Old Woman Leaps From Her Window But Only Manages To Break Her Coccyx. Tune In at 11PM as Steel Smythington Explains What the Hell a Coccyx Is.” Be warned: these make no logical sense.

Logical sense is stupid.

 

5 Awesome Things That May Keep Me From Jumping Out of My 3rd Floor Window

 

I almost never laugh at toddlers who smoke. But friends, in the early days of America and photography, it was a different time. Youngsters routinely got bad perms, wore weird tights and tap shoes even where there was no tapping to be done, and hand-rolled cigarettes were a delicious treat.

And the caption? C’mon. That’s comedy brilliance.

 

Funny rooster picture
via Historic LOLs

 

NASA scientists have studied the effect Christian Louboutin shoes have on the female psyche, and here is what they discovered…

No one can ever be sad enough to fling themselves from a high window while wearing these shoes. (Until they receive the Visa bill at which point the potential for self-harm increases 1,897%.)

These shoes retail at $2795 American dollars. I have literally lived in places that wouldn’t cost that much to rebuild if leveled by an F5 ex-husband.

Christian Leboutin Bollywoody Suede Pumps
via Neiman Marcus

 

If you’re ever kidnapped by shady individuals who tell you your only hope of getting out alive with all your ears intact is to answer two questions of critical import about Sadie from Momcaster, you are home-free because I’m about to hook you up with knowledge.

How many times did Sadie live in Germany?

The correct answer is: twice.

What are Sadie’s favorite cookies in the whole, big, wide world?

The correct answer for both your ears and your freedom is: German Spitzbuben.

I haven’t had these in a very long time, but I remain convinced I would be decidedly un-sad if I had a dozen of these in my general vicinity right now. These cookies are ridiculously awesome, which everybody knows is better than completely plausible awesome.

spitzbuben-recipe
via Store & Style

I woke up yesterday and discovered I was in love with Steve Buscemi.  More to the point, I want to marry Nucky Thompson, his character on Boardwalk Empire.  That show makes me happy when skies are gray… or when I am about to kick the screen out of my window.

If you’ve never seen boobies, watched a character in a movie get shot in a completely vital organ, or heard a bad word, you probably don’t want to get your behind over to Amazon to buy episodes because  Martin Scorsese insists any project he works on has all of these things in good measure.

Boardwalk Empire sure seems to me like one of the BEST things HBO has done in the history of ever… with Game of Thrones and The Newsroom right there in the sparkling spotlight with it.

Seriously HBO, I like you again.

What? I want to polish his wing tips.

This next thing might seem a little out of character given my desire to polish wing tips and watch shows that use bad words. It just goes to show when you think you know someone, you really don’t.

I love VaShawn Mitchell. His voice is powerful and this song of worship speaks to me in a way I can’t explain. I’ve been listening for weeks now over and over again. Regardless of your specific religious beliefs, the sweetness of this guy’s spirit may speak to you, too.

So there’s my list of things to make me feel better. Whats on YOUR short list of things that make you feel happy when you’re down?